Woody Allen

Quote link. Other quotes about: god hard: "As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on."
Quote link. Other quotes about: time need: "At the opera in Milan with my daughter and me, Needleman leaned out of his box and fell into the orchestra pit. Too proud to admit it was a mistake, he attended the opera every night for a month and repeated it each time."
Quote link. Other quotes about: wife sin: "Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats."
Quote link.: "Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down."
Quote link. Other quotes about: success: "Eighty percent of success is showing up."
Quote link. Other quotes about: nothing: "Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it."
Quote link. Other quotes about: education: "His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy."
Quote link. Other quotes about: believe god: "How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter"
Quote link. Other quotes about: find world: "How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size"
Quote link. Other quotes about: nature: "I am at two with nature."
Quote link. Other quotes about: power right truth man mind heaven: "I call that mind free which jealously guards its intellectual rights and powers, which calls no man master, which does not content itself with a passive or hereditary faith, and receives new truth as an angel from Heaven."
Quote link.: "I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland."
Quote link. Other quotes about: work: "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying."
Quote link. Other quotes about: god think evil: "If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."
Quote link. Other quotes about: god making: "If only God would give me some clear sign Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank."
Quote link.: "If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative."
Quote link. Other quotes about: education teach: "I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers."
Quote link. Other quotes about: find people hard: "I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."
Quote link. Other quotes about: people: "Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things."
Quote link. Other quotes about: wife: "I tended to place my wife under a pedestal."
Quote link. Other quotes about: experience death: "It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune."
Quote link. Other quotes about: light: "It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off."
Quote link. Other quotes about: america little dollars: "It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies."
Quote link. Other quotes about: peace: "I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia."
Quote link. Other quotes about: hours bad world people good: "It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more."
Quote link. Other quotes about: die: "It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
Quote link. Other quotes about: look soul: "I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me."
Quote link. Other quotes about: dead food: "I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick -- not wounded -- dead."
Quote link.: "Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable."
Quote link.: "Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon."
Quote link. Other quotes about: good answer: "Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."
Quote link. Other quotes about: reason: "Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."
Quote link. Other quotes about: hope history time man mankind wisdom: "More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly."
Quote link. Other quotes about: time rest: "Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all."
Quote link. Other quotes about: life: "My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."
Quote link. Other quotes about: mind: "Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind."
Quote link. Other quotes about: god: "Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends."
Quote link. Other quotes about: death: "On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down."
Quote link. Other quotes about: america little dollars: "Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies."
Quote link.: "Should I marry W. Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name."
Quote link.: "Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness."
Quote link. Other quotes about: hours bad people good sleep: "The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more."
Quote link. Other quotes about: little man government need: "The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7, it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone."
Quote link.: "The great roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion."
Quote link. Other quotes about: sleep: "The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep."
Quote link. Other quotes about: death life worse: "There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman"
Quote link. Other quotes about: man food: "Thought Why does man kill He kills for food. And not only food frequently there must be a beverage."
Quote link. Other quotes about: god: "To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."
Quote link. Other quotes about: nothing: "What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet."
Quote link. Other quotes about: nothing worse: "What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists"
Quote link. Other quotes about: look soul: "When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me."
Quote link.: "When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room."
Quote link. Other quotes about: day: "Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered"
Quote link. Other quotes about: live: "You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred."

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